Tour 2003 - Shangri-La

Dear Family and Friends,

In his 1933 classic, Lost Horizon, John Hilton described a utopian, idyllic valley he called Shangri-La.  Inspired by the real life exploits of George Leigh-Mallory who lost his life in 1924 attempting to climb Mt. Everest, Shangri-La was somewhere in the Tibetan Himalayan mountains.  Shangri-La was a place of peace and security; living was not a struggle but a lasting delight.  People did not age; there were no wars.  The society was based around a 'Lamasery' (a Tibetan Monastery) in a beautiful, snowless, sunny, fertile land called the Valley of the Blue Moon. 

Ever since the publication of Hilton's novel, people have speculated as to the actual whereabouts of this wondrous place.  Wonder no more.  The Chinese government, always eager to adopt anything that will bolster tourism, has now proclaimed Shangri-La is, in fact, the old city of Zhongdian (in the Diqing Tibetan Autonomous Prefecture in Northwest Yunnan Province).  So, Zhongdian no longer exists, and thus I found myself in Shangri-La.  (The local Tibetans don’t give a shit what the Chinese call their city.  They call their home Gyelthang.  It never was Zhongdian, and it won’t be Shangri-La.)

Tour 2003 - Yunnan and Kunming - almost home: safe, sound and SARS-free

Dear Family and Friends,

I have now arrived home, safe, sound, and SARS free.  Internet access was not so readily available as one would like in western China, so I wasn't able to send off an e-mail report of my China wanderings.  I have decided to send a couple more e-mails to you all to finish my 2003 journey.   So, delete it if you don't want to read it, otherwise, here is the first of two China journey notes. 

Tour 2003 - musings on Hanoi

March 21, 2003

Dear Family and Friends,

With the possible exception of Yangon, Hanoi is the least westernized of all the Asian cities I have been in.  I have not seen any McDonalds, Pizza Hut, or Burger Kings.  The closest to Starbucks is Starbeans.  Apparently KFC does have a presence in Vietnam, although I have not encountered them.  I read that when KFC first came to Vietnam, in a leap of marketing brilliance that transcended common sense, they proposed an "Uncle Ho" burger, noting that Ho Chi Minh looked like the Colonel.  Officials coldly pointed out Ho was a General.  KFC sticks to chicken. 

Further introduction of western culture is not apt to happen soon either.  The Vietnamese have borrowed a page from the Parti Quebeqois.  Daily now, squads of police are wandering around the Old Quarter demanding the removal of any sign where English (or French) is more prominent than Vietnamese.  The locals display the usual derision reserved for such silly bureaucracy, and a crowd always gathers, people snigger, the police mostly try to look very serious and important.  Some shop owners are resigned, some angry, and yet others try to schmooze the police.  All the while a rant blasts out of loudspeakers.  It is all quite festive. 

Tour 2003 - Koh Chang Go Bang

Dear Friends,

I had a most interesting visit to Koh Chang (Elephant Island) that I thought I should tell you about.  Koh Chang is the second largest island in Thailand after Phuket and is located in the Gulf of Thailand very near the Cambodian border.  I left Bangkok at 9:00AM last Friday in a minibus headed to the ferry dock at Laem Gnop.  I caught the 5:00PM boat to the island.  I was actually heading for a place called Lonely Beach on Koh Chang but as it was getting dark when I arrived, I thought I would take a place close to the pier and then seek out an alternate place at Lonely Beach the next day.  Many Thais go to Koh Chang for the weekend so, knowing accommodation might be tight, I booked into Mac Bungalows, the first place I checked, and got the last bungalow they had.   I had a nice dinner in their restaurant, it was very newly decorated, and the food was quite good.  I was in bed by 11:00PM. 

At 2:45AM I was wakened by a goddamn mosquito biting me and was lying there semi-asleep when BOOM!  An immense explosion.  There was a scream almost simultaneously, and over the roar of the blast I could hear glass breaking, debris hitting my roof, and I was nearly tossed out of my bed.  It was a thunderous noise. 

Tour 2003 - Things are looking up (note to Stuart)

Late February, 2003 

Dear Stuart,            

As you know, I seldom drink wine while travelling in the tropics.  It just doesn't have much appeal when it's hot and muggy.  Besides, the service can be a bit dodgy at the street side food stalls I frequent.  But today while browsing some stalls at a nearby plaza here in Bangkok, I had a chance to taste a Thai produced wine.  From the handout given me, the wine is made from 'Black Finger-root', a rhizome, which I believe makes it a relative of ginger. 

Anyway, the lady offering samples pressed a small plastic cup on me to try it.  She in turn placed her hand on my heart, stomach, bum and legs, telling me it was excellent for renewing all those areas.  Then, with a furtive glance at my nether region, she whispered "good for sex, make boom boom".  "Good for boom boom.  Boom boom all night", she repeated several times, always in a whisper.  I take it this is still a closely guarded secret.  And it apparently works equally well for men or women.  This stuff sounds unbeatable. 

The wine itself is a pale red, bright, and on the nose...  Oh hell, let's just say it's a hard wine.  I don't have to be hit on the head to recognize a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.  I think this is just the wine the Commanderie needs to raise it to new levels.  We'll be up for anything.  And for women, even if they are split over this, I am sure they will be thrilled with it, nothing will be too hard for them.  And to hell with a certain pharmaceutical company called Pfizer who shall remain nameless!

Knowing you would approve, I have ordered a pallet of 64 cases of this fabulous wine (it's called Golden Krachaidam by the way) for our group.  This is just the beginning of course; I have pretty much sewn up rights to this elixir on our behalf.  We're on our way up, Boy!  Best regards. 

Boom boom, toujours Boom boom. 

Merv.

Tour 2003 - A Burma Shave

Dear Family and Friends,

The details of my old age are quite inconsequential.  Winters in Rangoon, sailing on the Irriwaddy, hiking up Mandalay Hill....  Pretty standard stuff.  (With apologies to Austin).

My plans for this trip were quite hastily and casually made.  Not having visited before, I booked a short trip to Myanmar.  I have now spent one furious week there, trying to see in seven days a country that deserves at least one month. 

Tour 2003 - A little of this, a little of that (Malaysia & Thailand)

Hello Everyone,

I have become a slob.  I'm sure many of you will find that hard to believe, knowing the sense of style I display on Savary.  But the heat, the humidity, the humping of heavy bags on and off public transportation, all cause one to sweat like Phil Esposito by the end of a tough game.  Each day I set out with new fresh clothes and literally within minutes, no matter how I try to keep cool, my clothes are sopping, stuck to me, and I'm standing in a puddle of sweat.  It's simply true; we travellers generally look a disgrace.  The locals, on the other hand, all look crisp and cool.  Personal appearance is very important to people in these countries.  Judging from the clothing choices tourists and travellers make, an entirely different value system is at play.  

Anyway, I have nothing of real excitement with which to follow up my Borneo adventure.  But to bring you somewhat up to date, on leaving Sarawak I flew to Kuala Lumpur, a leap into a hot, crowded, noisy, busy big city.  (Flying with Malaysian Air as I am, Kuala Lumpur is an obligatory stop, but it otherwise holds little interest.)  While there I, of course, visited the twin Petronas Towers, the world's tallest buildings at 1,452 feet (even when the World Trade Center was standing).  Both towers are 88 stories high but visitors can only go to the 41st floor where a sky-bridge joins the two towers.  Clad in polished aluminium, they are striking on the skyline, particularly with the sun reflecting off them.  As you can deduce from their name, they are owned by a large Malaysian oil company.  

Tour 2003 - Bloody Borneo & Bong, James Bong

Dear family and friends,

There were five of the little buggers on my leg when I looked down.  About an inch long, brown, skinny as a matchstick, and flipping themselves up my leg to find the juiciest spot to hook themselves on and fatten themselves up on my blood, filling themselves to more than ten times their original size.  Leeches.  Ugh.  In their search for fresh blood, these leeches can squeeze through a shoelace eyelet or the fabric of your sock.  All you have to do is brush a small branch and they can drop on you and they are quickly heading up your leg or down your neck.  I thought to myself "Merv, you are wearing shorts and sandals, you have only walked 20 meters into the jungle and you already have five leeches on your legs.  Don't you think you should at least consider the possibility that you may not be properly outfitted for this?" With that thought I pretty much stamped as paid my interest in jungle trekking, and scurried back to the boat which I had just left.  I was on the Menangul River, a tributary of the Kinabatangan River, at 560 km long, the largest in Sabah, the northern state of Malaysia Borneo.