Hi all,
So my brother Jeff and I are back in Canada after a very short and surreal trip to Laos. We learned the news of Dad's death (still hard to write but I'm trying to make it sink in) about 2 weeks ago. Jeff's first instinct was that he had to go to Laos "to bring dad home". My instinct was to stick with Jeff, wherever he went, and to go to Savary Island. So off we went to Laos and now we are at Savary.
We left for Laos mid-day on Saturday, March 12th and didn't get to Vientiane until mid-day Monday. (Adele stayed in Whistler with my nephews, joined by Lorraine, dad's sweetie, for support and company. Joe was left in Toronto, feeling alone.) Coincidentally and fortunately, our mom's second cousin, Joanne (Jo) Sparrow was in Vientiane with her buddy, Cathy, when Jo got the news about Dad. She got in touch with Jeff and offered to help out. Jo and Cathy met us at the airport in Vientiane and took us to the hotel district and then kept us company and on track for our time in Laos. After arrival from the airport, we checked into a little guesthouse - a room each on the top floor with a view of the Mekong River.
After we checked in, Jo, Cathy, Jeff and I went to the Australian Embassy in the taxi Jo & Cathy had hired for the day to run us around. There is no Canadian Embassy in Laos so the Aussies take care of Canucks, Brits, Kiwis and Papua New Guineans as well as Australians, of course. At the Embassy, we met Phil, the Consul, Dr. Mark who had been called to attend on Dad when the hotel found him, and Photong (sounds like pa-tong), a Lao employee who did all the arranging and chauffeuring and running around. All were amazingly kind and helpful.
Dr. Mark filled us in on what he knew or observed: Dad had checked into the hotel the previous week on Thursday (March 3?) for two nights after a night in a different hotel. He was to check out on Sat. the 5th. When he hadn't checked out by mid-day, the desk clerk called up to his room. There was no reply. The cleaning staff knocked on the door, then after a few attempts to get a response, opened the door and saw him so went away, thinking he was asleep. When he still didn't show up and wouldn't answer the phone, they called the manager, who went in and found him on the floor not far from the bed. They then called the police who called the Australian Embassy, since a Canadian was involved. All were confident he had died of natural causes, we assume a heart attack, some time in the night. Jeff and I believe he had not been feeling 100% for a little while - he was "off his oats" as Jeff says - since he had not been keeping his notes up to date, had not emailed as frequently for a couple weeks, and had mentioned to the desk clerk that he wanted a room on a lower floor as his legs were bothering him.
Back to our journey... After meeting the Australians and making arrangements for the next day, we went back to the hotel area, went for a walk, and had beers on a patio with Jo & Cathy. Most of our trip was killing time. A bit of wandering around markets in a daze, some sitting on patios in a daze, with about 25-30 hours in transit at either end.
Tuesday morning, Photong picked up Jeff, Jo, Cathy & I and we went to a Buddhist temple for Dad's cremation where we were met by Consul Phil and some Lao people from the Chinese Foundation, a charity that arranged the cremation. In Laos, cremations are open. A wood coffin is placed on a concrete platform. Tires and diesel are used to make the fire burn very hot. It was actually very nice and respectful. They brought bouquets of flowers to place on and around the coffin as well as some for us to hold or add to the fire. We chose not to do any ritual; we're not a religious family and it felt wrong to say prayers or ask for a Buddhist priest or ceremony. So we cried a bit, placed our flowers on the casket, and they lit it up. We watched for a bit, then walked around the temple for a bit, and left with the Australian Consul and some Lao people staying behind until the bitter end.
Then it was just killing time until our flight home on Thursday morning. Tuesday afternoon, we went by the hotel Dad had been staying at. We noticed there was a wine store, with a pretty decent selection, just a couple doors away. Maybe that's why he had chosen that particular hotel. We decided to come back later to buy some wine to toast Dad with. So that night, we had a nice bottle of Bourgogne (Burgundy), and a bottle of Bordeaux (Dad's favorite region) with a baguette, cheese, olives & sundried tomatoes in our hotel with Jo & Cathy.
On Wednesday, Photong again picked up Jeff and I to go pick up Dad's ashes from the Chinese Foundation. We got there and were handed a small brass urn wrapped in a purple cloth, in a small yellow shopping bag. Jeff's immediate response was that it was not enough. He said in an email to our aunt Bonny later "When we collected the ashes we were handed the worlds smallest urn....I guess father will always be larger then life to me and so when we got this I was particularly stunned. I miss him so much I wanted a car sized urn that I could hug and hold and drive around in...but I understand the situation. We did ask for more so we do have 2 urns now but I still feel empty."
After more time wandering around, killing time, we finished our stay in Vientiane with a meal with Jo & Cathy at a lovely Lao restaurant. Thursday morning, we were in a taxi at 5:30 to catch our 7:20 flight to Bangkok and onwards to Vancouver.
Joe flew in from Toronto and arrived an hour before Jeff and I. Joe and I were taken to Aunt Moi's by Lorraine, while Jeff was chauffeured to Whistler by our uncle Dwayne and aunt Margrit, Dad's brother and sister-in-law.
Joe, Jeff, Adele (my sis-in-law) and I came to Savary Island on Saturday and were joined here by Lorraine, her son Greg, and my nephews, Roan and Quinn, on Monday. I am so glad that Greg came home from Australia to be with his mom and with us right now. And I'm also happy we are all together at Savary to start sharing memories and figuring out where we go next. At least we've set a date and probably a venue where we can get together with friends and family to celebrate dad's life.
The past 2 weeks have been a blur. It is a 14 hour time difference between Vientiane and Vancouver but we were there such a short time and were so discombobulated that we never really adapted to the Lao time. After arriving at Savary, we got busy cleaning, cried a lot, slept a lot and are now finally starting to feel a bit more normal and able to start making decisions and planning for the next short while.
It is so beautiful here on Savary, even during a cool, grey March. There are lots of bald eagles around right now as well as seals out on the reef. One of my regrets is that more of you didn't have the chance to come here while Dad was around to host you in his home. We can still organize for you to come, and it is well worth the trip, but it won't be the same without Merv around to share travel stories, boast about his grandkids, and play backgammon with over a glass of red wine on the deck.
Thanks for all the kind thoughts and offers of help. It has been overwhelming and helpful to realize how many friends we have and how much support and love is out there for us and our family. Photong commented that Merv must be a special guy to have 4 people show up in Laos, all the way from Canada. OK, 2 of them happened to be there but it is true, he is a pretty special and amazing guy and is still too present in my thoughts and emotions for the past tense.
Hugs,
Kara
After we checked in, Jo, Cathy, Jeff and I went to the Australian Embassy in the taxi Jo & Cathy had hired for the day to run us around. There is no Canadian Embassy in Laos so the Aussies take care of Canucks, Brits, Kiwis and Papua New Guineans as well as Australians, of course. At the Embassy, we met Phil, the Consul, Dr. Mark who had been called to attend on Dad when the hotel found him, and Photong (sounds like pa-tong), a Lao employee who did all the arranging and chauffeuring and running around. All were amazingly kind and helpful.
Dr. Mark filled us in on what he knew or observed: Dad had checked into the hotel the previous week on Thursday (March 3?) for two nights after a night in a different hotel. He was to check out on Sat. the 5th. When he hadn't checked out by mid-day, the desk clerk called up to his room. There was no reply. The cleaning staff knocked on the door, then after a few attempts to get a response, opened the door and saw him so went away, thinking he was asleep. When he still didn't show up and wouldn't answer the phone, they called the manager, who went in and found him on the floor not far from the bed. They then called the police who called the Australian Embassy, since a Canadian was involved. All were confident he had died of natural causes, we assume a heart attack, some time in the night. Jeff and I believe he had not been feeling 100% for a little while - he was "off his oats" as Jeff says - since he had not been keeping his notes up to date, had not emailed as frequently for a couple weeks, and had mentioned to the desk clerk that he wanted a room on a lower floor as his legs were bothering him.
Back to our journey... After meeting the Australians and making arrangements for the next day, we went back to the hotel area, went for a walk, and had beers on a patio with Jo & Cathy. Most of our trip was killing time. A bit of wandering around markets in a daze, some sitting on patios in a daze, with about 25-30 hours in transit at either end.
Tuesday morning, Photong picked up Jeff, Jo, Cathy & I and we went to a Buddhist temple for Dad's cremation where we were met by Consul Phil and some Lao people from the Chinese Foundation, a charity that arranged the cremation. In Laos, cremations are open. A wood coffin is placed on a concrete platform. Tires and diesel are used to make the fire burn very hot. It was actually very nice and respectful. They brought bouquets of flowers to place on and around the coffin as well as some for us to hold or add to the fire. We chose not to do any ritual; we're not a religious family and it felt wrong to say prayers or ask for a Buddhist priest or ceremony. So we cried a bit, placed our flowers on the casket, and they lit it up. We watched for a bit, then walked around the temple for a bit, and left with the Australian Consul and some Lao people staying behind until the bitter end.
Then it was just killing time until our flight home on Thursday morning. Tuesday afternoon, we went by the hotel Dad had been staying at. We noticed there was a wine store, with a pretty decent selection, just a couple doors away. Maybe that's why he had chosen that particular hotel. We decided to come back later to buy some wine to toast Dad with. So that night, we had a nice bottle of Bourgogne (Burgundy), and a bottle of Bordeaux (Dad's favorite region) with a baguette, cheese, olives & sundried tomatoes in our hotel with Jo & Cathy.
On Wednesday, Photong again picked up Jeff and I to go pick up Dad's ashes from the Chinese Foundation. We got there and were handed a small brass urn wrapped in a purple cloth, in a small yellow shopping bag. Jeff's immediate response was that it was not enough. He said in an email to our aunt Bonny later "When we collected the ashes we were handed the worlds smallest urn....I guess father will always be larger then life to me and so when we got this I was particularly stunned. I miss him so much I wanted a car sized urn that I could hug and hold and drive around in...but I understand the situation. We did ask for more so we do have 2 urns now but I still feel empty."
After more time wandering around, killing time, we finished our stay in Vientiane with a meal with Jo & Cathy at a lovely Lao restaurant. Thursday morning, we were in a taxi at 5:30 to catch our 7:20 flight to Bangkok and onwards to Vancouver.
Joe flew in from Toronto and arrived an hour before Jeff and I. Joe and I were taken to Aunt Moi's by Lorraine, while Jeff was chauffeured to Whistler by our uncle Dwayne and aunt Margrit, Dad's brother and sister-in-law.
Joe, Jeff, Adele (my sis-in-law) and I came to Savary Island on Saturday and were joined here by Lorraine, her son Greg, and my nephews, Roan and Quinn, on Monday. I am so glad that Greg came home from Australia to be with his mom and with us right now. And I'm also happy we are all together at Savary to start sharing memories and figuring out where we go next. At least we've set a date and probably a venue where we can get together with friends and family to celebrate dad's life.
The past 2 weeks have been a blur. It is a 14 hour time difference between Vientiane and Vancouver but we were there such a short time and were so discombobulated that we never really adapted to the Lao time. After arriving at Savary, we got busy cleaning, cried a lot, slept a lot and are now finally starting to feel a bit more normal and able to start making decisions and planning for the next short while.
It is so beautiful here on Savary, even during a cool, grey March. There are lots of bald eagles around right now as well as seals out on the reef. One of my regrets is that more of you didn't have the chance to come here while Dad was around to host you in his home. We can still organize for you to come, and it is well worth the trip, but it won't be the same without Merv around to share travel stories, boast about his grandkids, and play backgammon with over a glass of red wine on the deck.
Thanks for all the kind thoughts and offers of help. It has been overwhelming and helpful to realize how many friends we have and how much support and love is out there for us and our family. Photong commented that Merv must be a special guy to have 4 people show up in Laos, all the way from Canada. OK, 2 of them happened to be there but it is true, he is a pretty special and amazing guy and is still too present in my thoughts and emotions for the past tense.
Hugs,
Kara
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